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THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, April 11th 2011
Good Morning Groanies,
I was stressed out last week. I was so stressed in fact
that I was having all kinds of stress dreams, but there
was one in particular that really stuck with me.
I dreamt that I was in my doctor's office complaining of
a constant uncontrollable rear pressure release... basic-
ally I couldn't stop farting, but that wasn't the weirdest
part. The weirdest part was whenever I farted I wouldn't
produce the typical sound that we are all accustomed to
when "rippin' a beefer" it would sound as if an up-tight
British guy was actually saying the word - fart.
It didn't matter where I was, in an elevator, a bus, a
library, a movie theater, that stuffy Englishman's voice
would just unceremoniously announce my gas passing. It was
horrible. I started to talk in an English accent, just to
cover up my bizarre bodily function.
This dream, or should I say - nightmare, upset me so bad I
woke up in a cold sweat, terrified about what had happened.
Then I tooted and heard that standard whoopie cushion
sound. I was so relieved... well, in more than one way.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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There was a snail crossing the road to go to his brother's
house. He was in the middle of the road when he was run
over by a turtle!
When he went to the doctor, with his brother beside him,
the doctor asked, "Mr. Snail. Are you okay?"
His brother asked, "What happened?"
The snail sat up and said, "Yes doctor. I'm fine. I don't
know what happened...it all happened so fast."
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A man walks into a bar with a little salamander-looking
creature in his hand. The bartender looks at the creature
and asks the man what he calls it.
"Tiny," replies the man.
"Why's that?" asks the bartender.
"Because he's my newt!"
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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up and tree and act like a nut.
Have you heard of the mechanic who worked on mufflers
all day? At night he was exhausted.
Q: How do you kill a circus troupe?
A: Go for the juggler.
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