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THE DAILY GROANER - May 16, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,


Alright. Here is, by far, the weirdest thing that I've heard all week... maybe all month:

"You know, this is good carnival weather."

Who thinks they can top that? Please send me the weirdest, most bizarre statement, phrase, and/or comment that makes its way into your ear this week. I'd love to read 'em and I'd love to share them with your fellow readers.

I know, homework. BOO! It'll be worth it.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- The Perfect Shot --*

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man - you don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!"


*-- Great One-Liners --*

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.


*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

A: He's all right now.


Q: What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

A: U.C.L.A.

***

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