THE DAILY GROANER - August 5, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

Here's a transcript of the conversation I overheard while shopping last night. It took place around 8pm and was between two rather eloquent (sarcasm) teenage girls. I've typed it out exactly as I heard it. And, no, they weren't from Boston. Enjoy...and God help the species!

Girl 1: Ohmygerd, I ja luv yer shert.

Girl 2: Ohmygerd, yer the bestests.

Girl 1: Werd yu gat et?

Girl 2: Acterly, Misty gave it ter me cuz it remended er of that guy she was with. Theyr na together anymer.

Girl 1: Ohhh, thas so sad.

Girl 2: Yeah.

Girl 1: Hey, how's yer brather, Jeremy?

Girl 2: Eww.

Girl 1: Wha?

Girl 2: Eww!

Girl 1: Wha? I think (I'm not sure if that's actually possible, but I'll play along) he is sooo hot. Come ah, done you think he's hot?

Girl 2: Wha about Casey? He's hot, right? Jessie has the hottest brather! Ohmygerd!

I'm going to stop there to be polite to you. This conversation to nowhere went on and on for another 7-8 minutes while I waited in line to buy formula for Sean. These girls ruined my life for the eternity it felt like standing near them.

I'm just gonna say it, "We're doomed!" And if my boys bring home a girl like either of these two vacuous dunderheads, I'll just snap.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- How Do You Feel? --*
Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby."

Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!"

To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why is it so hard to fool a snake?

A: Because you can't pull its leg.


Q: Why did the watch stop?

A: He was running fast all week.


*-- Reader Comments --*
Hello Steve
This may be a question for Canadians and I am one of these. My cousin once commented that when it was cold she could warm up with more clothing but with heat there was a limit of how much clothing she could take off. This was before bikinis were common. In Canada I preferred 90 degrees to 40 below but in MO I prefer 10 degrees to 100 degrees. -Jay
[What?!]

Hey Steve, I think if I heard questions like this, I think I would think about moving. Just say'in - Kim
[Moving closer or further away?]

Dear Steve, You are probably too young but if anyone emails, Paul Harvey did die a number of years ago but that joke he told is one I have always remembered because, once I got it, I couldn't stop laughing! - Lisa J
[I am familiar with Paul Harvey and his humor. Thanks again for sharing. You're good people.]

***
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