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THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, November 8th 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
It seems that there's always an ad for some new and
unnecessary medication at least once a week on the
television.
I'm really sick of those damned commercials. I think the
latest one is for people who fear that their teeth will
spontaneously jump out of their mouths or for people who
think their pets are communists. It's always stuff like
that.
The only thing I enjoy about the ads are the interesting
side effects. I wish there was a medication with side
effects so horrible that they would scare you into
actually dealing with the fact that the problem is plainly
and simply - YOU! And they you wouldn't need to take over-
priced, unproven and under-tested meds. This is what I want
to see...
Side Effects May Include:
Extra Toes
Werewolfism
Winky Nipples
Heavy Hair
Eyelid Recession
Chronic Fecal Discharge
Night Vision in One Eye
Spontaneous Combustion
Itchy Liver
Burnt Toast Smell
I wouldn't take that medication for anything... or would
I?
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and
some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason
for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening
time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only
to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses.
On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the
jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end
of the line again.
As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the
end of the line... "That does it! If they hit me one more
time, I won't open the store!"
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Q: Why aren't elephants allowed on beaches?
A: They can't keep their trunks up!
Q: Why does a tiger have stripes?
A: So he won't be spotted.
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