THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 5th 2011
Good Morning Groanies,Public bathrooms have always gotten a bad rap. "They're disgusting. They're gross. They're smelly. The stalls don't have enough room to properly engage in drunken second-date sex." We've all stated the obvious from time to time. But the reason for these sub-par waste disposal rooms is the horrific people that use them. They're the one's to blame.
Like the other day. I'm at a store doing some shopping when I had the sudden urge to take a tinkle. I walked into the restroom and discovered that I was alone. I stood at one of the urinals and peed as if I was competing in a competitive peeing contest. I was going for gold here.
Then, a suit-clad gentleman entered the room. He was deeply immersed in a conversation, via one of those bluetooth contraptions, and didn't even recognize the fact that I was even in the room. He saddled up to the urinal next to me and dropped his drawers. Pants and undies all the way around his ankles, not missing a beat in his phone conversation.
I couldn't believe it. This guy was standing there in a very expensive looking suit completely bare-assed talking about expense reports, share-holder meetings, financial portfolios and whatnot. It was quite a thing to witness.
So I finished up and headed over to wash my hands. Then I saw this supposed business man penguin walked his way over to a free sink to wash up. He scrubbed his hands like he was preparing for surgery, still with his trousers down as low as they could go. Then I heard him zip up and watched as he walk confidently out of the bathroom... with a damp paper towel stuck to the seat of his pants.
I stood there frozen and speechless. I didn't know what to do. My brain was having a bit of trouble processing what I current had a front row seat for and all I could think was, "Man, people really don't care where those things end up when they're done using them.
Groaningly yours,
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DailyGroaner*-- Lunch With the Guys --*An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: "And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back, "'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."
(My mom actually sent me this one.)
*-- The Earring --*A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense".
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
(Courtesy of BBIX34)
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the Eighth.
(From Brad)
Q: Why do girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have any balls to scratch.
(Courtesy of BBIX34)
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