December 11, 2017

Good Morning Groanies,

Well, since Christmas is coming up fast, I'm getting excited for the wonderment of the holiday season. This holidays means I get to do all of the following:

1. Annoy Relatives
2. Eat Ham, Turkey, and Beef Sandwiches For A Week Straight
3. Open Gifts (Even If They Aren't Mine)
4. Drink Buckets Of Egg Nog (The amount, not from a bucket)
5. Sing Christmas Carols Off-Key (The only way I can sing)
6. Watch "Die Hard" (The Best Christmas Movie EVER!)
7. Not Wear Pants (A Personal Favorite)
8. Go To A Party and Try On Other Peoples Coats (Like you don't want too)
9. Search For the Christmas Pickle (Not what you're thinking)
10. Talk In An English Accent For No Apparent Reason (That has nothing to do with Christmas, but it is a fun time!)

I look forward to the holidays like most people do. I just get a little weird with it.

And remember, nothing burps better than egg nog...well, maybe bacon.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why did the elf put his bed into the fireplace?

A: He wanted to sleep like a log!


Q: What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?

A: This one will sleigh you!

*-- A Cheap Gift --*

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"That's still quite a bit," Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."

So the clerk handed him a mirror.

*-- More Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

A: Because every buck is dear to him.


Q: Why is it so cold on Christmas?

A: Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!