THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 12th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

Stacy and I had a taste for pizza the other night so she rang up the local pizza joint and placed our order. It seemed to take her quite a while to get the order ordered correctly.

Once she was off the phone Stacy told me that the girl that took her order put her on hold three times, which isn't out of the ordinary for a pizza place around dinner time, and every single time she came back on the line it was as if she had no recollection of the service she was to provide for the person on the other end. Stacy had to repeat our order four times, in great detail and so slowly that it reminded of the time I was helping my grandma record an out-going message on her answering machine. After she hung up Stacy told me that the young ladies name was... brace yourself... Shadow. That's right, S-H-A-D-O-W!

So then I went to pick up the food. I couldn't wait to get the opportunity to meet and converse with this Miss Shadow.

Lucky for me she was standing at the take-out counter grinning like a jackass. I asked her if her name was Shadow and she responded, "Yes, how did you know that?"

I told her, "It's written on your name tag."

She just stood there and smiled like she just had a lobotomy a few hours prior to work. I told her that I was picking up an order and she asked what name it was under. So I, naturally, said, "Steve." She looked at her computer screen for 25 seconds with deep concentration searching for my name and order info. She looked up and confusingly uttered, "Robert."

"No. Steve." I said rather annoyed. She looked for it again for a few more seconds and then asked if I was sure that that was in fact my name. I shit-you-not!

Finally, she found it. And then I handed her my credit card, which I've had for a long while and have gradually rubbed the card company's name off, which she examined carefully and said, in Baby Huey fashion, "Wow, the stuff is really rubbed off on here."

Seconds later I signed for the pie and then looked up to see her manager with a look on his face that offered an indifference "what are ya gonna do" expression.

I took the pizza and looked at the manager and said, "Please, promise me that you'll never let Cloudy or Shady here make any of the food in this place."

I was some good pizza though.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Location, Location, Location --*
The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.

*-- Chicken Farming --*
A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.

"That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied.

A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.

"Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?

A: Spot.

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