THE DAILY GROANER - February 9, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

All through Stacy's pregnancy we have taken time to check out various websites that offer tips, coupons, advice, news, videos, articles and anything else that expectant parents can use to help them get ready for that special day.

With Jack, there's this one site that we both subscribed to and it gives you the average size of your baby as it grows from week to week, but with each passing week your child is compared to food... or an element of food to give the little one some scale.

We began to get this weekly update starting with the fourth week of the first trimester. It told us that our baby was the size of a poppy seed. Okay, a poppy seed. I get it.

Then next week it was a sesame seed. And the next week a lentil bean. Then a blueberry, a kidney bean, a grape, a kumquat, a fig, and a lime.

Then I thought, "No wonder pregnant women get those weird cravings they just keep reading about all of these unique and delicious foods."

I don't know about you, but this column is making me hungry.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- 3 Women and the Flasher --*
A flasher approaches 3 women on a park bench and opens his trenchcoat.

The 1st woman has a stroke, the 2nd woman has a stroke too, but the 3rd woman couldn't reach him!!!

(Joke courtesy of DRUMNCHIEF)


*-- He Was A Leaner --*
A friend always seemed to lean slightly to the left. It bothered me, so I suggested that he see a doctor and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused, telling me I was crazy, but last week, he finally went.

Sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was a half-inch shorter than his right. A bit of orthopedic surgery later, both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," I said, "you didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What happens to a refrigerator when you pull its plug?

A: It loses its cool.


Q: What did King Tut say when he was scared?

A: I want my mummy!

***
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