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Daily Groaner - My Own Thoughts of Absolute Lunacy
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THE DAILY GROANER - November 21, 2016
Good Morning Groanies,
I waste so much energy. It's always with little things too. For instance, I was grocery shopping the other day and while I was at the deli counter I asked to get a 3/4 lb. of American Cheese. The very nice lady behind the counter asked me, "How do you want the cheese sliced?"
This is the point where my brain kicked into overdrive and I began to think of clever responses to the aforementioned question. Things like..."With your feet," "As slow as possible," "How can you ask me such a thing? I hardly know you," "With a karate chop," and "Haven't you cut the cheese before?"
I became so distracted by my own thoughts of absolute lunacy that I total forgot that I had cheese coming to me and simply walked away from the counter.
Hey, that wasn't as bad as later on when I left the cart full of groceries because I suddenly felt the urge to chase after a squirrel I saw. So, I got problems. Who doesn't?
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Jokes? Comments? Questions?
*-- The Four Worms --*
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
*-- Hilarious Puns --*
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin sea!
Q: Can February March?
A: No But April May!
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