THE DAILY GROANER - April 13, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

This morning I had the worst bloody nose of my life. I was all set to head to work when I felt like my nose was running. I went it the bathroom to blow my nose when I looked into the mirror and screamed. I couldn't believe how awful I look in the morning, but then my attention was drawn to a particular segment of my face... the old schnoz.

Blood was running out of my nose like it was a facet. I grabbed kleenex, toilet paper, an old issue of Popular Mechanics, anything to stop the bleeding.

Finally, after a few minutes, I was back to as close to normal as I could get. I was so relieved, but now I have to run to the store because we're out of toilet paper.

On the upside, I can use the old TP rolls, add a little bit of peanut butter and some bird seed, and make bird-feeders like I did when I was in Cub Scouts. How's that for creative?

See, I can be positive... sometimes.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Doctor, Doctor... --*
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I broke my arm in two places!

Doctor: Stay out of them places!


Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?

Doctor: Sell!


*-- If I Had A Million Dollars --*
A 5th grade English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.

"Alec!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?"

"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent?

A: Show me the honey!


Q: What do you call a funny mountain?

A: hill-arious!

***
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