THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, March 18th 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

I went to a Yes concert with my father-in-law over the weekend. We had a blast! The music was awesome. And they played my favorite song "Starship Trooper". But, that wasn't all...

After we were done rockin' out I bumped into a girl I knew from high school. It was a bit awkward to say the least. We hadn't seen each other since we graduated so we didn't really know what to say other than the generic, "How have you been?" and "Remember when Principle Davis cut that fart during the pep assembly?" You know, stuff like that.

The real awkward part of this meeting was that she had a reputation for being dumber than a compulsive gambler vowing to win their money back. Let me put it this way - back in high school, she thought that knives could only be used to cut the foods that they were named after. Like a bread knife could only cut bread. A butter knife could only cut butter. A steak knife... you get the picture.

During this brief encounter I hoped that she had smartened up a bit since last I saw her. She appeared to have added a few IQ points until she uttered this: "This is gonna be a great concert. You know, I always thought that concerts were breath mints for prisoners."

Not to worry folks, she's a registered voter.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How does a lumberjack start his computer?

A: By Logging On!


Q: What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

A: Board!


*-- The Toughest Time of My Life --*
I had the toughest time of my life.

First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis.

Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.

Then they gave me hypodermics.

Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.

These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.

I completely lost my memory for a while.

I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.

I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why do surgeons wear facemasks?

A: So if they make a mistake, no one will know who did it.


Q: How do you kill a circus troupe?

A: Go for the juggler.

***
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