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THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, November 3rd 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
I tend to complain about the stupidity of the public from
time-to-time... well, today is one of those times.
My friend Mike and I went to the local cineplex to view the
awesomeness that is "Jackass 3-D". We enjoyed every single
rude, crude, gross-out, over-the-top, jaw-dropping, vomit-
inducing moment that this masterpiece had to offer, but
that's not what this column is about. It's about the up-
tight Soccer Mom that took her 7 year-old daughter to see
this movie.
Just before the previews were about to roll this woman and
her little girl entered the theater, with popcorn and candy
in-hand, ready for a fun romp at the ol' picture show. They
ascended the stairs and then sat right behind my friend and
me. I just couldn't believe it. What kind of a parent is
this woman? What could she have been thinking to come to
the conclusion that a movie entitled "Jackass 3-D" would
be perfect entertainment for her child. Was "Saw 3-D" sold
out?
I hate the MPAA ratings system as much as the next guy,
but I understand that some parents need it because they
would freak out if their children were exposed to strong
language, violence, drug use, nudity, gore, graphic sex
scenes, teen smoking and thematic elements as if they
were not already on display in their actual homes.
According to the MPAA "Jackass 3-D" is "Rated R for male
nudity, extremely crude and dangerous stunts throughout,
and for language." It's the perfect type of entertainment
for an out-of-touch mother and her angelic little princess
on their "girl's night out", right?
But don't worry, the two left about 25 minutes into the
movie after a "marital aid" flew across the screen and
hit some poor goof in the face in super slow-motion. I
guess they didn't see that one coming.
So shame on this woman for being a crappy parent and shame
on the kid for not being smarter that her dumbass of a
mother. Here's a tip: If a movie has the word "ASS" in
it's title it's probably not appropriate for kids. Oh,
here's another tip: If you go to imdb.com and look up a
movie called "Jackass 3-D" and discover that the first
item in the Plot Keywords is "Covered In Feces" it's
probably not appropriate for kids... unless they're little
shits.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither
one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide
to feel each other.
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay,
and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton
tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the
rabbit feels the snake. He says, "Okay, you're long and
thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked
tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."
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Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: What lies on the ground, 100 feet in the air?
A: A dead centipede.
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