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THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, December 15th 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
What the hell is wrong with people? Well, all I can tell
you is that people are straight up inexcusable morons that
think shoes with lights in them are cool, going to tanning
salons is a worthwhile activity, and purchasing and sport-
ing backwards bathrobes, because the TV told them that they
should, is both a smart financial and fashion decision at
three in the morning. Like I said, people are MORONS!
Here's my latest run-in with one of these future MENSA
applicant rejects. I went grocery shopping Monday night
and while I was loading up the check out line conveyor
belt with my purchases the cashier turned off her lane
light which, as most of us know, signifies that her lane
was now closed. Not one, not two, but five shoppers
proceeded to unloaded their potential purchases after the
light was off for more than five minutes. The cashier had
to keep informing these winners that she was closed to
which the typically responded with dumbfounded amazement,
"Oh, really?"
Then, just as I was checking out, the queen of the goof
troop decided to rear her empty head. This woman made the
poor decision, much like several of her kind before her,
to disregard the lane light being turned off as a sign
that aisle number 12 of this establishment was all ready
for her and her purchase that once again reinforce her
failure as a productive member of society.
When this brain-trust was informed that the lane was closed
she gave the cashier a look that screamed, "Why should I
be inconvenienced for having the mental capacity of a
frozen pile of dog turds?" But, the cashier let her through
which made me very angry, that was until I saw this woman's
face.
This woman had bleach-blonde hair, ultra-tanned skin and
the figure that brought me to believe that she hadn't
eaten since Slick Willie was in office. But the best part
was her cartoonish 1/2 inch wide eyebrows... or eyebrow,
depending on the sharpness of your vision. I laughed out
loud, right in her paint-by-numbers face. It was great.
I was tempted to say as I walked away, but no matter what
I would have said it couldn't top that face.
So that turned out to be a pretty good night.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of
the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the
cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy,
do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you
think that?"
"The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and
an honest man.'"
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Q: Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
A: Because They Have Big Fingers!
Q: Why does Snoop Dog need an umbrella?
A: Fo Drizzle.
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