THE DAILY GROANER - August 20, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

I don't feel safe while driving anymore. It's mainly due to the other drivers that seem preoccupied with activities other than driving and paying attention while driving.

It seems like so many drivers these days could do without a windshield or windows because they never look up to see through them at any point while behind the wheel.

I wish I could understand what was so damn important on all of these phones that they take up the attention of a large percentage of the population. Did I miss something? Is Wham! getting back together? Did a new Starbucks just open? Did Jay Z and Beyonce blah blah blah, nobody gives two craps? What going on?

It should be a law that if a citizen, mainly me, sees some horse's ass texting or phoning or whatever you call it while they should be driving, this person should be able to reach in their car, snatch the phone away, call their mother and tell her that they raised an irresponsible moron, tell her "smell you later", and then toss that punk's phone into the bowels of a port-a-potty right after the fair left town.

I think this would get results and I'm willing to do it simply for the pleasure of seeing lives saved and justice served... and talking with some nice moms that can get me some banana bread ASAP!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Gotta Light? --*
There are three guys in a boat with four cigarettes. They have no matches or anything and were trying to come up with a way to smoke their cigarettes.

"I got it!" said the one guy as he threw one of his cigarettes overboard.

"Why did you do that?" yelled his buddy.

To which he replied, "To make the boat a little lighter."


*-- Can You Dig It? --*
Little Donna was in the back yard filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the rosy-faced youngster was doing, he asked, "What are you doing there, Donna?"

"My goldfish died," replied little Donna tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor laughed and said condescendingly, "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Little Donna patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why couldn't the pirate get to Davy Jones' Locker?

A: He didn't know Davy Jones' combination...


Q: What do you get when you cross a lobster with a baseball player?

A: A pinch hitter.

***
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