THE DAILY GROANER - May 4, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

My little guy turns 3 years old in a week, but we decided to have his birthday party yesterday.

The party was packed with presents, cake, games, and people that are just at my house so they can sit on my furniture and eat my food. Good times!

I still can't believe that my boy is turning three. It seems like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital, rocking him to sleep, and holding him tight like nothing else matters. Actually, that was yesterday. That party was crazy!

Jack is such a wonderful son. I couldn't ask for more. We are so lucky to have him in our lives. I love you more than anything and it makes me the happiest guy in the world being your dad. I hope he reads this and remembers it around Father's Day because I could use a new grill.

Happy Birthday, Jack! I love you more too!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- The Cat Says, "BARK!" --*
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"


*-- What Did You Expect? --*
A man picks up a hooker and takes her back to his place. She informs him that her services will cost him a grand total of $5. The man gladly hands over the money and they dance the horizontal mambo.

A few days later the man is visiting his doctor and discovers that he has crabs. The man storms out of the office to find the hooker. She's on the same street corner where he picked her up before. He runs to her and screams, "You gave me crabs!"

She replies, "For five dollars what were you expecting lobster?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How can you tell if a woman's wearing pantyhose or knee-high's?

A: If her ankles swell when she farts.


Q: How do you know when you're really a loser?

A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

***
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