THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, August 19th 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

I woke up in the middle of the night feeling worried and anxious. Thousands... millions of thoughts fired through my mind. The more I thought the more upset I became.

Here are a few thoughts that I remember: Did I lock the door? What is Jack going to eat for lunch? Do we have toilet paper? Does Stacy have enough gas in her car to get to school and home safely? Why do I worry so much?

I sat up in bed and tried to calm down. Then Stacy put her hand on my back. That simple act sent a calm through me like I've never experienced. I then put my head to the pillow and slept like a baby the rest of the night.

It's amazing what the little things can do.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- A Fall-Down Drunk --*
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."


*-- I Got Golf Balls --*
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said 'It's golf balls.'

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked; 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

A: Pick it up, pull the pin out, and throw it back.


Q: What do you call a blonde if she dyes her hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

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