THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, August 15th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I was going through some old emails and I came across this rather bizarre message.

"Stupid is when you spend 18 hours trying to drown a fish."

It really got me thinking, thinking about the person who sent it to me. This fellow needs to be examined by a team of scientists, kept away from sharp objects, and should be institutionalized before their antics cause serious damage to others.

Then I realized that I sent that to myself, under my old email address, over three years ago.

So then I reread the email and came to the conclusion that I stand by my previous claims and then asked myself, "Why 18 hours?"

What the hell was that all about?

Hey, who has two thumbs and needs to get a serious amount of sleep? This guy! Oh, wait, you can't see me. I forgot.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- What Can I Do? --*
One night, as he finished his last beer, Joe's doorbell rang. He answered the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, then left.

The next night, the doorbell rang, and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The same thing happened the next night. This time, he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The following day, Joe went to see his doctor. He explained the events of the preceding four nights. "What can I do?" he pleaded.

"Not much" the doctor replied. "There's just a nasty bug going around."

*-- Listen To This --*
Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: When do cannibals leave the table?

A: When everyone's eaten.


Q: What's a King's favorite clothing?

A: A reign coat.

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