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THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, May 2nd 2011
Good Morning Groanies,
I had a rather odd thought the other day and I would like
to share it with you now. It's really weird, even for me,
so just bear with me.
Have you ever thought about what would happen if you ate
an entire can, bag, bowl, plate, box or cob of corn and
soon after felt the need to release a little pressure, if
you catch my drift, but then once you released that one-
cheek-sneak gas wouldn't be let out, instead a batch of
freshly-popped popcorn would come out? Well, I've thought
about it. Oh, and it wouldn't smell like farts, it would
offer the aroma that harkens back to a time when a big
bucket of popcorn awaited your arrival at the local movie
theater. Good times.
My life would definitely go through some changes...
I'm sure that I would have to determine if this popcorn
was safe for consumption or if it was indeed some sort of
freakishly produced bodily waste. I know one thing for
sure, I'm not going to be the test subject for this little
experiment.
I guess I'd have to start wearing some sort of special
pants that would catch and contain all of that "keister-
corn", patent pending, that I was producing.
I guess if I couldn't eat it I could save it for the
holiday season and string them up for display on the ol'
Christmas tree or I could just feed the birds with it.
And I'm sure that I would be ridiculed for my bizarre
bodily function. The neighborhood kids will surely sing,
"Stevie crapped corn and I don't care" whenever they
crossed my path, but I won't let them get to me. Hey,
they're just jealous because I would be special, dammit!
Well, that's about it. Just a thought. A weird, twisted,
bizarre, insane, interesting thought that I wanted to
share with you. Do you think about stuff like this? I
thought so.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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Sometime back during prohibition Bing and Bob developed a
powerful thirst for some moonshine. Bing said, "I have a
brother who lives up in the Carolina hills who has just
finished setting up a little operation. Perhaps he'd let
us try out some of his first batch of hooch."
The two buddies hit the road to Carolina and tracked down
Bing's brother just as he was drawing off the first bottle
of whiskey. "Here, try this and tell me if you think it's
aged enough," said the novice moonshiner.
Bob, took a swig, made a sour face, and quickly pronounced,
"Crosbie's still's mash is young."
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Diane buys a hundred goldfish. There are so many of them
that she decides to keep them in her bathtub. One day she
invites her friend Lauren over to see all her beautiful
goldfish.
Lauren is impressed, and remarks, "They surely are beauti-
ful, but what do you do when you want to take a bath?"
Diane replies, "I blindfold them."
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Q: What did the British driver say to the one-legged hitch-
hiker with no arms and three eyes?
A: "Aye-aye-aye, you look 'armless. Hop in."
Q: Why did the Blonde climb up on the roof?
A: Because she heard that the drinks were on the house.
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