THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, May 21st 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

I have never really been a do-it-yourself kind of guy when it comes to home repairs and things of that nature, but now that I have a house and a yard I've decided to give it a try.

Just yesterday I weed-whacked, cut the grass, patched up some holes in a window screen, took care of an insect problem and even fixed the lock on the gate. I got quite a bit accomplished.

Today, my tasks will include re-doing all of yesterdays work correctly with the help of my dad because I didn't know what the hell I was doing.

Well, the yard doesn't look too bad. Hey, it's grass, it will grow back.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- Pretending to be Married --*
A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f***ing blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What type of food do you eat in a Taxi?

A: Corn on the cab.


Q: What did the big hand on the clock say to the little hand?

A: I'll be around in an hour.


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What did the man who was just cloned say?

A: "I'm beside myself!"


Q: What did one dog say to the other?

A: Sit down quick, here comes old cold nose.

***
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