THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, February 4th, 2013
Good Morning Groanies,Hey, Steve, did you see the groundhog's shadow? No! Hey, Steve, did you see the Super Bowl? No! Then what
did you see this weekend? I saw Valentine's Day cards for pets!
I wish things like this didn't exist, but they do. Why on Earth would you feel the need to send a Valentine to your dog, cat, chicken, fish, lizard, monkey, or sloth? How do you think that they'll react? Maybe some extra purrs or a special wink from the fish tank? Best case scenario, they won't show interest either way and they will still crap in your house.
I believe that if you purchase one of these cards for your furry little critter, you have more problems than a math book, and men in white coats need to take you away for a chat. You can love you pet. Just don't
love your pet.
Groaningly yours,
Steve P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily! It's the future of entertainment available today, all in one place.
Visit and Enjoy: EVTV1.com Jokes? Comments? Questions?
Email Steve*-- I Need A Parrot --*A man went into the pet shop, "I am playing Long John Silver in the local amateur dramatic societies version of Treasure Island and need a parrot to sit on my shoulder," he said.
"I don't have any parrots at the moment, but you wouldn't want a real parrot for that. It would squawk in all the wrong places, poop on your shoulder and generally be a nuisance. What you need is a stuffed parrot. Just as realistic and easily controlled."
"I'm not sure a stuffed parrot would be okay," said the customer. "I do want this performance to be as realistic as possible."
"I am sure a stuffed parrot would be fine," said the pet shop owner. "I have one at home. I'll bring it in and if you come back on Thursday you can have it."
"Sorry," said the customer, "I can't make it on Thursday. That's the day I'm having my leg cut off."
(Joke from reader: BBIX34)
*-- Having Fun With Puns --*- I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
- PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
- Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
- Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory -- I hope there's no pop quiz.
- The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.
- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
- Velcro - what a rip off!
- Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
(Puns from reader: JA)
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: What do potatoes wear to bed?
A: Their yammies!
Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine!
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