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THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, May 24th 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
I want to state the following: I loathe the marketing
term 'tween'.
I hate that people say it. I hate that it is how some kids
describe themselves. I hate the fact that some turd was
given the task, probably by some corporate douche, to
develop a term for the marketing world to use when describ-
ing girls ages 9-14 and then spent time coming up with
several different terms and then said, "Hey, I think that
this 'tween' thing is the one. It's just what we're looking
for." And then brought it to the boss or bosses, probably
'bosses', and then started high fiving each other and gave
raises to everyone and then when they were trying to pick-
up members of the opposite sex they used the line, "Hey,
I'm the one that invented the term 'Tween'. Wanna get it
on!" I hate it. It's evil.
I hope that the punk that came up with it can never find a
pair of shoes that fit and always gets horrible, smelly
farting fits whenever they meet someone new. I'm just
saying.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with
one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's
your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister
is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I
should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's
office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
explained to the principal what the situation was. The
principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If
he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back
to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought
in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Principal: What is 3 x 3?
Harry: 9.
Principal: What is 6 x 6?
Harry: 36.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a
3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks
and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'.
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some
questions. The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have
only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do
not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft
and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could
stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does
sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands'.
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the
teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last
seven questions wrong...'
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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up and tree and act like a nut.
Q: What happened to the sun burnt banana?
A: It started to peel.
Q: Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
A: Because when he tried to make a second one he made a
Boo-Boo.
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