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THE DAILY GROANER - October 28, 2015
Good Morning Groanies,
Halloween is just a few days away. I'm really excited to take the boys 'Trick 'r Treating' this year. Jack and Sean are dressing up as Captain Hook and Mr. Smee. They both look awesome. We're going to get some great pictures this year.
I usually dress up, too, but I just can't think of what to wear while we scour the neighborhood for enough candy to give us teeth that would setup a dental practice for life.
I'm usually really clever when it comes to costumes, but this year I got nothing. I don't want to buy a costume. I want to make something with random stuff I can find around the house. I could put on a pair of tighty whities with a file folder shoved down them and go as a briefcase. No?
Stacy did come up with something simple. She said, "Well, you're a fairly hairy guy. So just take your shirt off and go as the Wolfman, Bigfoot, or Chewbacca."
She's a genius. But I'll have to shave just a little so people will know that it's me under there. I don't want any trouble.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
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Halloween Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't
10. She's a goblin!
9. I'd like to get a little something in the sack.
8. Let me see your bag ... OH! - You're having a great night!
7. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head.
6. She's got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch
5. If you just lick it, it'll last longer.
4. Show me your JuJuBees and I'll let you see my Zagnuts.
3. Have your mom check it before you put it in your mouth.
2. You scared me stiff!
1. He's got Candy spread out on the living room floor!
Why Trick-Or-Treating is Better Than Sex
10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6. It's okay when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can DO the whole neighborhood.
*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no body to go with!
Q: Why do mummies make excellent spies?
A: They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie.
Q: Why don't skeletons like to eat spicy food?
A: They can't stomach it!
***
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