THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Aug. 22nd 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

The time has come for me to get a brand-new cellular phone. My ancient flip phone has taken its last voicemail and has lost its will to ring. I'm sad because I rather enjoyed using this device for the past few years.

My lovely wife Stacy was helping me to pick out a new phone because I'm a clueless dolt when it comes to stuff like that. She tried to convince me to get an iPhone, but they scare me. Come to think of it, technology scares me something awful. And I do realize the irony that you are reading a newsletter that I wrote and sent to you via a computer and the internet, so let's all just relax.

She did find the perfect phone for me after hours and hours of the greatest hard target search in human history. This new phone that I will be using soon has features like menus with large, easy-to-read labels, and large, backlit keys, oh, and a pill reminder alarm. I've also read that it's a big hit with the "Over 50" crowd. So that guarantees that this is the phone for me.

This flashy gizmo is really going to come in handy when I need to call my friends to see who's turn it is to drive us to bingo night.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Looking for money-savings tips, information helpful to women, and some good-natured fun? If so, take a moment or two and check out the Mommy Blogroll to the right and visit some of the best "Mommy Blogs" online.

P.P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just Click Here and hit the like button...

Jokes? Questions? Comments? Email Steve


*-- Two ropes walk into a bar... --*
Two ropes walk into a bar. They sit down and the bartender says, "Hey we don't serve ropes in here."

Both ropes get up and step outside. One rope says, "I'm going to find another bar" and the other rope starts to ruffle and tie himself in a knot. "Well I'm going back in there, who does he think he is?"

So the rope goes back into the same bar. When the bartender comes over and spots the same rope he says, "Hey didn't I just tell you that I don't serve ropes?...."

The rope says "Yep" and then the bartender asks, "You are a rope aren't you?"

The rope replies, "I'm a frayed knot."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you get when you cross a psychiatrist and a sailboat?

A: A Freudian sloop.


Q: What do you get when you cross a pile of hay and a vampire?

A: A Bale O'Lugosi.


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do bees chew?

A: Bumble gum.


Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?

A: He didn't give a hoot.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives