THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, August 8th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

The other day I was at the drug store, you know, because I'm eighty years old. While I was there I eavesdropped on two young ladies who where also waiting in line for a prescription. Their conversation was nothing out of the ordinary until the one woman told the other that she was in fact pregnant.

I found it a little odd that this woman thought it appropriate to disclose big news like a pregnancy while in-line at the pharmacy, but I let that go when I heard her friend ask her one of the dumbest questions I have ever heard and the mother-to-be's response. It went down like this:

The Friend: OH MY GOD! How pregnant are you?

Mother-To-Be: I'm a little bit pregnant.

This exchange made my teeth hurt. I believe I also blacked out, peed my pants and had nosebleed. I don't recall any of that. Things were a bit fuzzy.

After I was in control of my faculties again I thought about what I had overheard, but not for too long because I didn't want my head to explode.

First off, "How pregnant are you?" is not a question that a rational human being asks. You can ask "How far along is the pregnancy?" or "When the baby is due?", but not "How pregnant are you?" Are you out of your damned mind? You are either pregnant or not pregnant. It's a yes or a no. It is that simple. You can't be partially pregnant. It's like "Ocean's 11", you are either in or you are out.

Secondly, to actually have your brain allow the statement, "I'm a little bit pregnant" to audibly leave your face is unfathomable. That's like saying that someone was a little bit dead. That woman should be locked up. And now that genius is going to have a child. It's Shocking! That new life developing inside her was smarter than she was the moment she opened her trap. All I can say is, kid, good luck to you.

Lastly, I've rambling on and on about this for far too long, but somebody had to say something. Since no one else was around I appointed myself. I really got to stop doing that.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

Now You Can Follow the Daily Groaner on Twitter: DailyGroaner

*-- Don't Be Sheepish --*
A traveling salesman is driving through a remote town and sees a man sexing up a sheep. Disgusted, he looks for the nearest house so he could use the phone and call the police. He finds a house nearby, knocks on the door and a little boy comes out from the door.

"Listen kid, I need to use your phone to call the police. There's some pervert over there in the field, ah, making love to a sheep."

The kid looks in the field and says, "That's not a pervert. That's my d-d-d-d-a-a-a-a-d-d-d-d-d."

(Another one from Andy. You are a sick man and I can appreciate that.)

*-- Hot and Cold --*
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the orchestra have such bad manners?

A: Because it didn't know how to conduct itself!


Q: Why do tropical fish live in saltwater?

A: Because pepper would make them sneeze.

Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives