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THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, December 29th 2010
Good Morning Groanies,
With 2010 just about to run out of gas I have begun to
ponder the concept of New Year's Resolutions.
Well, according to Wikipedia, "A New Year's resolution is
a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the
reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is
generally interpreted as advantageous."
So basically a New Year's Resolution is something you are
adamant to change about yourself or your environment, but
when the celebratory booze from New Year's Eve wears off
and that hangover of yours puts the pedal to the metal
you realize that you've set the bar a little bit too high
for your liking and drop the idea like a turd in a toilet.
Well, I for one don't care for that! I'm making a New
Year's Resolution and I'm going to stick with it for as
long as I possibly can. I'm making a stand.
Here's my resolution:
As of January 1st, I, Steve of the Daily Groaner, will
hereby be more positive and not complain so much about
the unfathomable stupidity of those goobers that can't
help but do, buy, talk and perpetuate stupid crap that
makes me want to bang my head on my desk until I black-
out!
Hey, I still got three days complain. Please, don't judge
me... and have a Happy New Year!
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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----------- New Years Resolutions You Can Keep -----------
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after
year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something
you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions
that you can use as a starting point:
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Read less. Makes you think.
Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Get in a whole NEW rut!
Personal goal: bring back disco.
Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo
system.
Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a
chain or rope for a belt.
Get further in debt.
Break at least one traffic law.
Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
Associate with even worse business clients.
Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track
of them.
Wait around for opportunity.
Focus on the faults of others.
Mope about my faults.
Never make New Year's resolutions again.
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Q: Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
A: Because he was newt to the area!
Q: What do Scottish toads play?
A: Hop-scotch!
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