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THE DAILY GROANER - March 26, 2014
Good Morning Groanies,Stacy and I took Jack to see his first ever hockey game. My boy was a bit overwhelmed by the experience, but he seemed to enjoy himself. We saw the Chicago Wolves score 4 unanswered goals in the first period and witnessed a full-on, gloves-off hockey fight. It was great to share my love of hockey with my son. It was a true bonding experience.
Now, if you asked Jack what his favorite thing about the game was you would think he would say it was the intense action on the ice, the celebration after each goal, meeting Skates - the team mascot, the light show, the fireworks, or the t-shirts being launched into the stands, but no. He'd say that he's a huge fan of those $8 nachos!
If he didn't stop asking for more nachos he was going to spend a few minutes in the penalty box.
Groaningly yours,
SteveP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
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Email Steve*-- The Four Worms --*A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
*-- An Endangered Taste --*A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.
A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.
In court the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice.
"Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty," says the judge. "But I have to ask-what did the eagle taste like?"
"Well, your honor," the hiker says, "it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl."
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin sea!
Q: Can February March?
A: No But April May!
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