THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, March 19th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

Today is my brother Joe's birthday. He's turning 29-er today. I still haven't gotten him a birthday present.

It's so hard to buy gifts for him. He doesn't like anything and if he does like something then it's a mystery to me or if I do figure out what he would want I can never find it because only three of this particular thing are in existence and I'd have to scour the planet to find the damn thing or if you ask him what he wants he says he doesn't know.

Maybe I should buy him a gift card for... see I don't even know where he likes to shop. This is tough.

Well, what I decide to get him has to be better than last years gift - a can of silly string, bottle of steak sauce, a banjo, a block of cheese, a Auto Trader paper, ABBA's Greatest Hits on 8-Track, and a denim vest with the Judas Priest band logo stitched on the back.

Oh man, that was awesome gift! How am I going to top that? I'm so screwed.

Happy Birthday, Bro-seph!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just Click Here and hit the like button...

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

Now You Can Follow the Daily Groaner on Twitter: DailyGroaner

*-- Don't Juggle This Up --*
Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer.

"I juggle them in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives.

A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

*-- Your Hearing Is Perfect --*
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the three little pigs leave home?

A: Their father was an awful boar.


Q: Where do they get virgin wool?

A: Ugly sheep.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives