THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, May 13, 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

My weekend was 12 kinds of crazy! On Saturday, it was Jack's 1st birthday. I still can't believe that my little guy is already one year old. It seems like just yesterday he was trying to eat the remote control while crapping his pants. Oh, wait that was yesterday.

Anyway, Stacy and I decided to throw him a big birthday party at our home, which was the first time that our relatives have ever set foot on our property without the need for pepper spray or attack dogs. Around forty of our closest friends and family arrived to party down - and by that I mean eat our food and sit on our furniture. It was fun, but it got a little crowded in the house thanks to some not so warm May weather.

The party came and went so fast, much like one's wedding or belly dancing career, that we didn't even get to eat any of the delicious catered food or taste the cute bear cake made by Cheryl (You may know her if you have called customer service for PulseTV.com). Everyone told us how good the food was and how scrumptious the cakes was - you can always tell because they always tell you with full mouths.

It was a great party and I had a lot of fun celebrate the best year of my life. I have the sweetest, smartest, and most loving son that I could have asked for. I am so grateful for every day that I get to spend with him. He's everything to me. And Stacy is just as wonderful and amazing; that's why I married her. I couldn't be happier.

That's all for now. On Wednesday, tune in for the party aftermath and a very nice Mother's Day. Or was it? You see, you never know with me!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Questions? Comments? Email Steve


*-- Sink or Swim --*
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.

Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.

The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"


*-- Wanna Hear A Blonde Joke? --*
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

"Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Did you hear about the comedian owl?

A: He was a real hoot.


Q: What's detail?

A: De end of de dog.

***
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