OH Yeah...Well, Take THAT Martha Stewart
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/2047/c/186/a/585
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THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, February 16th 2011
Good Morning Groanies,
There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you
find something, but sometimes you might regret what you
have found.
I found a sandwich in the pocket of my bathrobe the other
day. I don't know how long it was in there, but I'm not
the guy to pass up a found sandwich. It wasn't half bad.
My doctor told me that my night sweats should stop in a
few days and my belly button should return to being a
visible "innie" in a month or so.
I wish I knew what the hell was on that sandwich. Good
rule of thumb: Always check your sandwich before eating
it. Or just make it yourself. Or let found sandwiches lie.
Write that down. I don't want you to forget. It's very
important.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE
SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED
HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.
THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY
PAGER," SHE SAID. "I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF
MY ARM."
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN
LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE
PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."
THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW-TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE,
SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.
SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER
REAR END.
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........."WELL, WILL YOU LOOK
AT THAT......I'M GETTING A FAX!!"
(Joke submission courtesy of my Mom. She's knows funny.)
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A magician was on stage doing his act, when he called for
a volunteer from the audience. A man volunteered & went
up on stage. The magician told him to pick up the 16 lb.
sledgehammer that was on stage next to a cement block &
break the block apart with the sledgehammer, so the
audience would know the sledgehammer was real.
So, the man swung the sledgehammer with all his might &
shattered the cement block. The magician now told the man
to hit him square in the face with the sledgehammer.
Horrified, the man said, "No way. It'll probably kill you".
The magician insisted that the man hit him in the face,
saying, "I'll be fine...I promise you...go ahead."
"Well,", the man replied, "OK, here goes."
Again, the man swung the sledgehammer and aimed it at the
magicians face. He heaved it as hard as he could and struck
the magician, knocking him flat on the ground.
After 6 months in a coma in the hospital, the magician was
lying in the hospital bed. One eye opened, the fingers
flexed a bit, the other eye opened, and the magician sat
straight up and said, "Ta-da!"
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Q: What country makes you shiver?
A: Chile.
Q: What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A: A piano.
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