THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Dec. 4th 2013
Good Morning Groanies, Selecting a real Christmas tree to display in your home brings up several questions. Questions like... How big should it be? Is it full enough? Is it strong enough to hold all of lights and ornaments that you would like to display? Is it full of squirrels or birds? The last question is the most important one to ask... and answer.
Over the weekend, Stacy, Jack, and I picked out a very nice tree for the holidays and while one of the tree wranglers was shaking and bailing our Fraser Fur we discovered that a pair of squirrels ran out and scared the crap out of all four of us.
After we recovered from the scare I turned to the tree wrangler and said, "It's a good thing that we sprung for the shaking and bailing."
The tree wrangler looked at me dead-eyed and responded with, "Yeah, you can't keep the squirrels, but you can help yourself to their nuts. If you don't want 'em I'll scoop up them nuts."
Needless to say, I think from here on out we're going to go with a fake tree. That will keep us clear of squirrels, nuts, and nuts.
Groaningly yours,
SteveJokes? Comments? Questions?
Email Steve*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: Why did the student wear glasses in math class?
A: Because it helps to improve division.
Q: Why didn't horses like Theodore Roosevelt?
A: Because he was a Rough Rider.
*-- I Feel Just Like A Newborn --*Sam and Greg lived in a retirement center and were sitting on a bench under a tree when Greg turned to the Sam and said, "Sam, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Sam says, "Well, I feel just like a newborn baby."
Greg Said, "Really! Like a baby!"
To which Sam replied, "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet myself."
*-- More Q and A Quickies --*Q: Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
A: He got a bird that not only delivers messages, but also knocks on the door when it gets there.
Q: What do you call jewelry lost on the golf course?
A: A diamond in the rough.
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