THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Sept. 7th 2011
Good Morning Groanies,When I get up in the morning the first thing I do is go to the bathroom and splash a little water on my face. It always helps to perk me up for the day ahead. I just need to remember to wear my glasses, turn on the lights and remember to go to the sink when I want water. I knew I was in the wrong place when the toilet seat hit me in the back of my head.
Groaningly yours,
SteveP.S. I'm going to offer you some good advice that I heard the other day: "Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!"
I think that was in the bible. Wasn't it?
Jokes? Questions? Comments?
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DailyGroaner*-- Blonde and the Beauty Parlor --*A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.
"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.
"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.
"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.
"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".
*-- She's On The Line --*Texas makes me think of the old slogan "Remember the Alamo." It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put his wife, of all people, on the battle line. She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from the front line.
After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee.
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: What are dog biscuits made from?
A: Collie flour.
Q: What did the salt say to the pepper?
A: "Hey, what's shaking?"
Q: What has two horns and goes, "Oom, Oom?"
A: A cow walking backwards.
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