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THE DAILY GROANER - March 16, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,

Tomorrow is 'Pretend you're Irish, get drunk, and embarrass yourself in public day'. Yay!!!

Try and prepare yourself for the schools of drunken party-goers celebrating their Irish heritage by drinking beer, domestic, flat, warm beer until projectile vomiting on roads, sidewalks, driveways, porches, pets, friends, themselves, many pairs of shoes, in open cars, and in mailboxes, etc.

Don't get me started on what these boozers would consider a suitable toilet during the festivities.

Oh, and how could I have forgotten about throwing caution to the wind and getting crazy with people dressed up as leprechauns which will end with swift tazing from the fuzz and more uncontrollable barfing like a slot machine paying out a jackpot.

Oh, man! Tomorrow is gonna be awesome! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- I Will Grant You One Wish --*

Pat and Murphy out fishing and the boat motor dies. After two days and drifting miles from the coast, they find a bottle in the water. Pat rubs the bottle and a genie poofs out.

"I will grant you one wish," says the genie.

Without a thought, Pat says, "I wish to turn the sea into Guinness."

The genie says, "Your wish is my command," and the sea turns into Guinness.

Murphy yells at Pat, "You fool! Now, we'll have to pee in the boat!"

*-- Have You Been Drinking? --*

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?

A: Because they're always a little short!

Q: What's long, green, and drunk?

A: The St. Patrick's Day Parade!


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