THE DAILY GROANER - March 10, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

A co-worker was telling me about a first date that she went on over the weekend. She mentioned a few weird things that the guy had said and did, probably out of nervousness, that almost ruined the date.

I got to thinking, there are times when saying the wrong thing can ruin an otherwise wonderful evening. Here are a few of those "wrong things"...

1. Are those real?
2. Did you know that you look just like my mom?
3. Wanna take a shower with me?
4. Guess what I was in jail for?
5. Did you just fart?
6. Would you like to know who's in the urn?
7. Did you ever wonder what human flesh tastes like?
8. Would you like to hear about my alien abduction?
9. Do you let your dogs watch you do it?
10. You don't hear voices, do you? Me neither, a couple of times.

These questions will surely guarantee that you would not be eligible for a second date, but then again the world is a strange place.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- You Know You're Out Of Shape When... --*
You know you're out of shape when you fall down, and while trying to get back up, you rock yourself to sleep.

(Joke courtesy of Brian L.)


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the burglar take a shower?

A: He wanted to make a clean getaway!


Q: What is the smelliest city in America?

A: Phew York!


Q: Where do hamsters come?

A: Hampsterdam!


Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?

A: "Lunch is on me!"


*-- Reader Comments --*
Why is it ok to run this joke making fun of blondes for being stupid but not Polish people which is how the joke originally went? My uncle told this joke 40 years ago. His friend's father told it to him decades before that (his friend's family is Polish, btw). I'd just like someone to explain why nationality jokes are off-limits but making fun of blondes, the overweight & folks who wear glasses is still ok. --Judy B, NJ
[I run blonde jokes because blondes are and have more fun. Just ask my wife.]

An easy way to convince those waskly wabbits to move to a new home is to leave traces of fox urine around the yard. You can try catching a fox and asking it to donate a sample, or you can go the easy route and buy some. (Don't ask me how they get em to pee in a bottle!) Most places that sell hunting equipment will stock it as its used to scent train hounds to hunt. It works well to evict skunks too. Any critter that routinely ends up as dinner will pack its bags if it thinks there is a fox living nearby... --Wendy W.
[While reading your email all I could think about was who the person who actually determined that fox whizz was a vermin diverter... and does that person have a business card?]

pool huh? then you'll have duck poop in the pool and dead things in the skimmer --MERRIALBER
[I once wrote a book of poetry entitled 'Duck Poop In The Pool'.]

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