THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Dec. 14th 2011
Good Morning Groanies,Good news everyone! I just finished my Christmas shopping. It was quite an ordeal, but I persevered.
Every year it seems to get harder and harder to get my shopping done. The roads are always clogged with traffic. Shoppers at the check out lanes are lined up back of the store. Shoppers walk aimlessly through aisle after aisle with no particular shopping agenda like a zombie in a George A. Romero movie. It seems like those shoppers with a plan are left alone to struggle for survival. Much like Gloria Gaynor, I kept belting out to myself, "I Will Survive"...and I did. I survived.
It was rough, but I got everything I needed to get, well, except for that really nice circular saw for my dad. That old lady was just too strong and very determined. Plus, she smelled like cat food and Poligrip.
Groaningly yours,
SteveP.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just
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DailyGroaner*-- A Little Bad News --*Rodney sat in his attorney's office. "What do you want first, the bad news or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" Rodney asked incredulously. "Wow, I can't wait to hear the terrible news!"
"It's of you and your mistress."
(From: BFBOA1)
*-- The Morning After --*One night Rick got stone drunk. After hours of partying, he woke up in an unfamiliar room. He rolled over, groaned and was startled to see the ugliest girl he'd ever seen snoring peacefully beside him.
He very carefully slipped his arm out from under her, got up and got dressed as fast as he could. He put a twenty-dollar bill on the nightstand and started to tip-toe out.
Just then he felt a tug on his pants leg. Looking down, he saw a girl even uglier than the one in the bed.
She looked up at him, smiled a toothless smile and asked, "Nothing for the bridesmaid?"
(From: BFBOA1)
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A: Ice caps!
Q: How do you call an Eskimo cow?
A: An Eskimoo!
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