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THE DAILY GROANER - April 13, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,

Stacy and I took the boys to the Shedd Aquarium in downtown Chicago.

I haven't been there since I was in grade school. I had forgotten just how marvelous it was to see all of these amazing aquatic creatures. It was quite a sight.

The boys loved it there. Jack actually asked if he could go swimming with the fish. He was so cute.

Fun was had by all, once that run-in with security was resolved. They really frown on bringing in outside items. I found it completely ridiculous that I couldn't bring along a few "aquarium appropriate" items.

Here's a list of things that aquariums don't allow on the premises.

1. A Rod and Reel
2. Fishing Nets
3. Tartar Sauce
4. A Deep Fryer
5. A Harpoon
6. Mrs. Paul
7. A Row Boat
8. A Shark Cage
9. Tackle Boxes
10. Depth Charges

I wish I would have known about this list before the trip. Packing for this outing would have taken a lot less time and we could have gotten there significantly earlier. Now I know.

Groaningly yours,

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

*-- Still A Virgin --*

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.

His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a "Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit"... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Mario asks, "So, what do I do with these things, doc?

The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.

If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen!", hit her with the shovel.

*-- What's in the Bag? --*

A salesman is driving toward home when he sees an guy thumbing for a ride on the side of the road. As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the hitchhiker gets in.

After a bit of small talk, the hitchhiker notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in the bag?", the hitchhiker asks the driver.

The driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."

The hitchhiker is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: Why did the teacher write the lesson on the window?

A: He wanted it to be clear.

Q: What squeaks as it solves crimes?

A: Miami mice!


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