THE DAILY GROANER - September 3, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

I'm not going to lie, I like to complain. The thing is that there's a right way to complain, and a wrong way to complain.

The right way - You go to a restaurant and order dinner. The waiter forgets to put your order in, then brings you the wrong food, and when he does indeed bring you what you ordered you catch the punk taking a bite out of your steak on the way to the table.

When such a thing happens, please, by all means, complain until your eyes cross and you go hoarse. You deserve it.

Now, when it comes to the wrong type of complaining, you have several negative outcomes for the complainer if their complaints are made by someone with the intelligence of a head of cabbage or that stuff you found on the bottom of your shoe. People are not smart and they have no problem showing that aspect off. People can't wait to put a spotlight on themselves and yell out, "Hey, look at me! I'm a dumbass!"

Case in point, take a gander below at some of the most jaw-droppingly repugnant "Traveler's Complaints" (courtesy of a reader by the name of Becky) you'll ever see. Some of them are just... this will summaries it for you, it was in the email - BEWARE .... THEY WALK AMONG US and THEY VOTE!!!! and they REPRODUCE!!!!

I think that says it all!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Traveler's Complaints --*
UNBELIEVABLE!!! THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "All though the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancee and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant.. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked..

BEWARE .... THEY WALK AMONG US and THEY VOTE!!!! and they REPRODUCE!!!!

Submission courtesy of Becky (Thanks, Becky!)


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?

A: So they can fight knights!


Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?

A: A towel.


Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

A: Because he was sitting on the deck!


*-- Reader Comments --*
How about Surf Nazis Must Die and Sorority Babes in Slimball Bowlerama. --Robert
[Two wonderful titles to two very crappy movies. Thanks for playing!]

So now your kid is giving you the jokes you publish? "hambulance"? --DRUMNCHIEF
[So what if he is. He's just as funny as his old man. "Hambulance." That gets me every single time!]

***
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