THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Nov. 23rd 2011
Good Morning Groanies,I really appreciate all of you that sent comments and congratulations about our little groanie that's on the way. We're very excited about the future. And I'm excited to share the comical experiences that will surely be coming fast and furious. Trust me, there's good stuff coming soon!
And remember you can always send me advice, comments or ask me questions. Just
Email SteveTomorrow is going to be a great day. It's the one day a year that I can wear my biggest, stretchiest pair of pants without fear of ridicule or judgment. I can't wait to eat 'til I can't stand under my own power. I really don't even need utensils, I just need teeth and an appetite. Good food, good meat, I'm hungry, let's eat!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving and be sure to save some room for dessert... and a joke or two. Then laugh until gravy shoots out of your nose. It's more fun than it sounds.
Now, on to the main course.
Groaningly yours,
SteveP.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just
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Jokes? Comments? Questions?
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DailyGroaner*-- A Better Turkey --*An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the damn thing!"
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: Did you ever hear of the accountant who added up his columns of figures so queerly that he always ended with "$79.25 plus a cat," or "$1568.13 plus a cat," and so on?
A: It seems he had an "add-a-puss complex."
Q: What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
A: Your nose.
Q: What key has legs and can't open doors?
A: A turkey!
** Strange and Funny Signs **On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in the #2 business."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."
On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."
At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak.
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