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THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, February 23rd 2011
Good Morning Groanies,
Yesterday was my Dad's birthday, and he had to spend the
day in bed sick. Nothing sucks worse than being sick on
your birthday. I did not go see him on account of his
illness, but I did give him a call to wish him a Happy
Birthday. He sounded stuffed up and he could barely stop
coughing, also, he came across as if his liquid cold
medicine had free refills.
Here's how our conversation went:
Dad: *cough* *cough* Hello?
Steve: Hi, Dad. Happy Birthday!
Dad: What?
Steve: Happy Birthday. It's your birthday.
Dad: Who's birthday? *cough*
Steve: Your birthday.
Dad: Who the hell is this? *cough* Who's on my phone?
Steve: It's your son, Steve.
Dad: The tall boy?
Steve: Yes. The tall boy.
Dad: Hey, I like watching that 'Cougar Town' show.
Steve: I know, Dad. How are you feeling?
Dad: *cough* Like that side of beef Rocky was punching.
Steve: Well, I hope you feel better.
Dad: The dog makes fun of me.
Steve: WHAT? (I wish I was recording this.)
Dad: He does. And he knows that I know that he knows.
Steve: Dad, please...
Dad: The shower curtain is married to the bath mat. I
don't know where they registered.
Steve: Okay. Well, have a Happy Birthday, I love you and
feel better. Please put Mom on the phone.
Dad: Your Mom's name is Mom.
I don't think that he had any idea that it was me on the
phone, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that since
last night his fever has broken and he is feeling much
better.
Happy Birthday, Dad! I hope you had as much fun as I did.
Groaningly yours,
Steve
Email Steve: mailto:groaner@gophercentral.com
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A girl pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down
the car windows to make sure her Labrador Retriever in
the back seat had fresh air while she went into the store.
The dog was stretched out on the back seat, and she wanted
to impress upon her that she must remain there.
She walked to the curb backward, pointing her finger at
the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you
hear me? Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car gave her a strange look and
said, "Why don't you just put it in park?"
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The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked
for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various
letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that
the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole
to see through, and put it on her head to cover up the
appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming
down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need
to get upset about getting glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart
set on wire frames."
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Q: What kind of dinosaur is never late?
A: A pronto-saurus.
Q: What washes up on small beaches?
A: Microwaves.
Q: Why did the orchestra have bad manners?
A: Because it didn't know how to conduct itself.
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