THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, January 30th 2012
Good Morning Groanies,Here we are again. A new week. A new issue. A new list of messages from fortune cookies that are even better when you add "...in bed" at the end.
Do you remember that we had played this game before? Well, we did and now we are going to play again.
Here's how it goes, in case it slipped your mind. Just add "...in bed" to the end of these mass-produced fraudulent recommendations and they really take on a whole new, hilarious meaning. Enjoy.
1. Explore the unknown...
2. You will soon have your moment of glory...
3. Many receive advice; few profit by it...
4. You tend to draw out the love in others...
5. Someone is looking up to you. Don't let that person down...
6. A good time to start something new...
7. Keep your feet on the ground even though friends flatter you...
8. A financial investment will yield returns beyond your hopes...
9. You have a keen sense of humor and love a good time...
10. You will run into an old friend soon...
That's good stuff, right? I hope learned something. Oh, and remember that no matter where you are in the world, be prepared for the truth...in bed.
Groaningly yours,
SteveP.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just
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Jokes? Questions? Comments?
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DailyGroaner*-- Curing A Cold --*A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.
"But Doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."
*-- A Few Martinis --*Jack walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, Jack started to leave.
"Excuse me," said a customer who was puzzled over what Jack had done, "What was that all about?"
"Ah, it was nothin'," said Jack, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a lab rat?
A: There are just some things that a rat won't do.
Q: What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?
A: You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing over and over.
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