THE DAILY GROANER - April 2, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

There are a lot of dim bulbs out there roaming free on this planet. Here's a list of quotes from several of them that I overheard recently. If this keeps up our species is doomed!

1. A quarter isn't worth that much.

2. Hats are only good for your head.

3. All school is good for is learning.

4. Math would be great if it weren't for all the numbers.

5. Chicken tastes just like chicken.

6. Is April Fool's Day only once a year?

7. Buying stuff can cost you some big money.

8. My car doesn't have brakes. Is that bad?

9. I'm so hungry I could eat some food.

10. Just call her and tell her to text you.

Wow! Sounds like a bunch of registered voters to me. Feel free to send me some of the dumbest declarations that ever made it to your ears. You shouldn't suffer that kind of trauma alone. Just Email Steve

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Flight of the Morons --*
Two morons stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.

After a couple of minutes, they both leap off the cliff and fall to the ground.

Laying next to each other in intensive care at the hospital, one moron says to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping."

The other moron replies, "Yeah, I'm not too keen on this paragliding either."


*-- It's So Clean! --*
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines."

"Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What two things can you not have for breakfast?

A: Lunch and dinner.


Q: What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

A: The hundred yard dash.

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives