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THE DAILY GROANER - November 19, 2014
Good Morning Groanies, I went to see my doctor the other day. He was glad to see me because I usually have a rather bizarre and complex medical question to ask him during my visits. And this visit was no different.
Once I was weighed and had my blood pressure taken I anxiously awaited my doctor's entrance into the exam room. After eating sixteen cotton balls I heard a knock at the door and then he entered.
"So what's it today?" he said with a defeated tone in his voice.
"Oh, it's a good one," I said like a giddy child.
He took a deep breath and asked, "It's not about aliens stealing your thoughts to figure out what your favorite favorite member of ABBA is is it?
"No, not this time, Doc."
"So what then?"
I paused and then I let him have it, "Doc, can you make your mind believe that you are physically older than you actually are and then your body begins to age rapidly because your mind makes your body believe that it's old and then you get gray hair overnight and then you want to watch old "Mannix" episodes all of the time and the waistline of your pants starts to move up towards your neck and you tell people to turn their music down and you turn the volume of your TV game shows up really loud and you feel really old?"
After a long breath my doctor looked at me with intense focus and said very calmly, "Yes."
"I KNEW IT!"
Good visit. We'll get to that alien thought-stealing business during my next visit.
Groaningly yours,
SteveP.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
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Email Steve*-- Q and A Quickies --*Q: Why did the math book visit the doctor?
A: Because it had problems.
Q: Why are cakes similar to baseball teams?
A: They both need good batters.
*-- The Tennis Ball --*While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing nobody around, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.
Later, on his way home, he stopped at a pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A girl standing next to him saw the large bulge in his shorts.
"What's that?" she asked, with her eyes gleaming lustfully.
"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.
"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful, I had tennis elbow once!"
*-- More Q and A Quickies --*Q: Why did the king go to the dentist?
A: To get his teeth crowned.
Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A: A headbanger.
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