THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, September 9, 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

When I was a teenager I always wanted to be in a band. I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, but I wanted to be part of it. Actually, the part I really wanted to play was the guy who comes up with the name for the band. I guess I'd prefer to be a footnote than a frontman.

Here are a few of the gems that I've come up with in the past. Enjoy!

1. Barb and the Stingrays
2. Red Eyes and the Empties
3. Booger and the Snots
4. Ink and the Ballpoints
5. Fart and the Cheese-Cutters
6. Shoe Lace and the Tongues
7. Chuckles and the Gigglers
8. Barf Bag and the Dry Heaves
9. Meat and Potatoes
10. Best of and the Hacks

Good stuff, right? Hey, it's a gift!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Wishes Only --*
A blonde is walking down a street, thinking furiously about how people always think blondes are so dumb. While walking, she trips on a crack in the sidewalk and sees a magic lamp on the ground. Smiling, she picks it up and starts rubbing it.

After a few seconds of constant polishing, a genie finally pops out.

The genies says, "I shall grant you one wish, but only one."

The blonde replies, "I wish to be the smartest person in the world."

"I'm sorry, I grant only wishes, not miracles!"


*-- Rent-A-Boat --*
At a rent-a-boat company, the caller said into the microphone: "Boat 99, your hour is up, please head in."

An employee walks up to him and says: "We only have 75 boats, there is no boat 99, sir."

The caller then said into the microphone: "Boat 66, are you in trouble?"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

A: News briefs.


Q: What did the one penny say to the other penny?

A: We make perfect cents.

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