Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Good morning crew,

There is a new reader poll on the Clean Laffs archive page (yes, there is an archive page).


"The object directly to your left is your weapon for the zombie apocalypse. How bad is it?"


Click Clean Laffs Archive to vote!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

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"According to a new survey, fewer than 2 percent of hiring managers said they were actively recruiting graduates with liberal arts degrees. Said liberal arts graduates, 'Latte for Karen.'" -Seth Meyers

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"They say that when you have a baby, you lose 700 hours of sleep in the first year, but it's worth it when they're old enough to do the yard work." -Craig Ferguson

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"Fans of 'The Price is Right' got angry at President Obama yesterday because a speech he was giving interrupted the show. So let me fill them in on what they missed: Three people you don't know got called down, and they were extremely happy about it. That's all you missed. " -Jimmy Fallon

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The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper.

"Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like the government is going to cut the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers."

To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Report from The Washington Post, in which they asked readers to come up with absurd warning labels for common products.


Fourth Runner-Up -- On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. (Gary Dawson, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up -- On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Second Runner-Up -- On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

First Runner-Up -- On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

And the winner of the Power Ranger pinata: On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)