Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Good morning crew,

As the saying goes, 'You've been to one wedding reception, you've been to them all.' But the girlfriend, er...wife I should say, was not about to settle for that. She was determined to do something memorable and she wanted to do something martial arts related, since that was how we met and how we have spent so much time together.

Her initial idea was to take a taekwondo 'poomse' or form, and choreograph it to music. She saw an example of just such a thing online and thought it was the coolest idea. Unfortunately, we had no time for choreography. Every weekend was busy for months before the wedding. We didn't have two hours to spare to see a stupid movie much less to choreograph a taekwondo form.

So a week before the wedding she asked me what we could do. We had to do something we have a lot of practice with and didn't have to rehearse. The only solution was board-breaking.

We kept it a secret, too. After our first dance, while all eyes were on the dance floor, I borrowed the microphone from the DJ and asked for a half dozen volunteers. I then produced a bag full of breaking boards from where I had hidden it underneath the head table and "challenged" my new wife to demonstrate her skills for everyone there.

She performed spectacularly, considering she was wearing a floor-length wedding dress with a train. She didn't execute any kicks, but with a bloodcurdling scream she launched into a half dozen, spinning hand techniques, breaking every one of her boards successfully.

The applause was thunderous.

I even demonstrated a few techniques myself, but all of the attention was definitely on her.

It was wildly successful. Every single person there said that they had never before seen a board-breaking demonstration at a wedding reception. And certainly not by a bride.

My brother Nino, not to be denied an opportunity for a witticism, grabbed the microphone and announced to the 200 people there, "That will give you an idea what the wedding night will be like."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Hey, I read about a McDonald's in California that was built with mostly recycled synthetic material. Which is ironic because recycled synthetic material is also the main ingredient in a McRib." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A lot of accidents are caused by bikers who don't have a feel for the road, like the dentists and accountants that take Harleys out on the weekend." -Craig Ferguson

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"People around the world think America is the coolest country. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an explosion to walk away from while I put on sunglasses in slow motion." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Hello Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop.

My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks. "I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.

"Yeah, you was my English teacher."

Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good job."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight.

I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your software."

A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective."