Monday, June 10, 2013

Good morning crew,

One of the girls in the office has been pressuring me to get a tattoo. She has three (including one on her tummy, one on her shoulder...and one I haven't seen...yet) and she wants to add some color and artwork to her latest decoration. Operating on the misery loves company theory, I guess, she wants me to go with her and get myself inked. I may be too old for that kind of nonsense, but then again you're never too old to be a rebel, right?

I'm thinking about getting a bust of Bruce Lee as Kato from The Green Hornet on my stomach. What do you think?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"Pope Francis said that atheists are still eligible to go to heaven. To return the favor, atheists said Popes are still eligible to go into a void of nothingness." -Conan O'Brien

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"New York City always has something going on. And you know what it is right now? The bike-sharing program. You get on a bike, you ride it, and then a half hour later you pass it to somebody else. And if you're lucky, you won't need antibiotics." -Dave Letterman

***
"Starbucks is now banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It will get even worse for smokers once they realize every Starbucks is about 25 feet from another Starbucks." -Jimmy Fallon

***
A man goes to consult a specialist about his medical problem. After the visit the man asks, "How much do I owe you?"

"My fee is five hundred dollars," replies the physician.

"Five hundred dollars? That's impossible. No one charges that much!"

"In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to three hundred."

"Three hundred dollars? For one visit? Ridiculous."

"Well, then, could you afford two hundred?"

"Who has that kind of money?"

"Look, replies the doctor," growing irritated, "Just give me a hundred and get out of my office, okay?"

"I can give you fifty," says the man. "Take it or leave it."

"I don't understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in New York if you have no money?"

"Listen, Doctor," says the patient, "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A worker in the reference department of the Library of Congress received a call asking the meaning of the phrase "without recourse." He consulted a legal dictionary and furnished this definition, "Said of a signer of a document when he takes no responsibility for the face of the document."

"Thank you," said the voice at the other end of the wire. "I have an autographed photograph of Coolidge. It's signed, "Without recourse, Calvin Coolidge."