Monday, December 3, 2012

Good morning crew,

I mentioned last week that I was going to cash in the change jar and the cash can that I keep in my apartment. These are a couple tricks I learned from our Thrifty Tips publication in order to help me set aside a little extra spending cash.

Well, I was more successful than I anticipated. The two reserves together totaled more than seven hundred bucks! So I did what any responsible husband would do...I took the wife to the casino.

Here I thought dropping a couple hundred on slot machines and vodka martinis would be a fun way to pretend that we are James Bond and Sylvia Trench for an hour or two, but the wife stunned me by winning six hundred dollars on a slot machine almost right off! I wish I knew where she got her luck.

And then I had to be the bad guy and confiscate her $600 voucher or she would have gambled most of it right back. Sure, she hated me then, but I knew she was happy when she made it home with an extra six hundred in her pocket.

Unless she is back at the casino right now...

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Pseudoscience describes theories that sound like science but are actually just made up, like aromatherapy or biorhythms or love." -Craig Ferguson

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"According to a Twitter study, people are happiest on the weekends and when their workday is over. They also discovered that if you stand in front of a moving train, it will kill you." -Jay Leno

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"The NYPD is apparently teaching its officers how to be more polite. It's true last time I got frisked, the cop was like, 'Have you lost weight?'" -Jimmy Fallon

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A minor league ballplayer, left in charge of a baby cousin, suddenly realized that he did not have the least idea how to change a diaper. Frantically, he called a friend who was luckily a father.

The friend calmed down the ballplayer, then gave him the following instructions. "Place the diaper in the position of a baseball diamond, with you at bat. Fold second base over home plate. Place baby on pitcher's mound, then pin first base and third base at home plate!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Helping me sort old clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked.

"It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings."

"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next Christmas Eve."