Friday, September 5, 2014

Good morning crew,

This weekend we start to pack. There was a time in my life when I was moving about every other year; back and forth across the country. I got pretty good at it, too. Of course, I didn't have much back then. I remember one move where I packed my entire life into a Chevy Cavalier Hatchback.

The last time I moved, into the condo I am in now, was almost 14 years ago. So not only am I out of practice, but I have had a lot longer to accumulate that miscellaneous paraphernalia which seems to calcify around an immovable object.

But I have a huge stack of boxes, a fresh roll of packing tape and one week; I'm sure the old skills will come back quickly enough.

The only thing I am still missing is someone to help me move furniture. While the wife is more than willing to lug boxes around all day long I can hardly expect her to maneuver 300 pound pieces of furniture through doorways and down flights of stairs.

Anybody want to help me move a sofa?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The NFL season kicked off officially tonight. It's that magical time of the year when millions of Americans transition from checking Facebook all day at work to checking their fantasy football lineups all day at work." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Happy birthday to Los Angeles. The city was founded on this day in 1781. The land was first discovered by an old prospector who said, 'There's Botox in them thar hills. And kale.'" -Craig Ferguson

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"Starbucks in New York City is now selling liquor. I was in Starbucks earlier today. I got a grande cappuccino with five pumps of Wild Turkey." -Dave Letterman

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A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:

1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. You're kidding, right?
8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (my favorite)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through a jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching.

As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said...."You're a Jew?"

"Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite.

"Funny," said the Chinese rabbi. "You don't look it."