Thursday, March 13, 2014

Good morning crew,

You can tell spring is right around the corner by the six inches of slushy, wet snow that fell on the greater Chicago and tri-state area yesterday. But don't worry about us drowning because last night the temperature dropped to 10 degrees and all of that slushy, wet snow froze into solid sheets of ice which knocked power out to about 50,000 residents.

I wasn't one of them, but the wife and I were awakened in the middle of the night by what we thought were gunshots. As it turned out it was transformers exploding. I discovered that when I left for work this morning to find all of the street and traffic lights in my neighborhood out.

That made for a fun commute.

But (and I have a big but, here), this weekend should be much more annoying than a mere 40 minute sleigh ride down Interstate 80 in the dark. My own, dear goddaughter Isabel has invited me to see her seventh grade play on Saturday and so far I haven't been able to think up a good excuse to skip it. That will mean another 75 minute ride out to rural Indiana where, Lord knows, the production will probably be held in a barn with the cows and chickens as extras.

Then on Sunday I am committed to helping out with the school's martial arts tournament, and there is nothing that puts the finishing touch on a weekend than spending 10 hours chasing around a few hundred screaming little kids. But sometimes there are rewards. Occasionally some little tike will get kicked in the face and cry, and that's always good for a laugh.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"North Korean leader Kim Jong Un won re-election with 100 percent of the vote. They say that when the absentee ballots are counted the percentage could go even higher." -Dave Letterman

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"I thought this was kind of interesting - this week marks the 50th anniversary of the Buffalo wing. Which means it also marks the 50th anniversary of that celery stick nobody wants." -Jimmy Fallon

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"NASA's Cassini spacecraft passed by Saturn's largest moon for the 100th time last week. Said Mrs. Cassini, 'Can we please just stop and ask for directions?'" -Seth Meyers

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Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point.

A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this, it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following relationship..." and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board.

Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, "Wait a minute, I may be wrong..."

He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict.

Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, "Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"

His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"

The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.

Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"