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Friday, October 30, 2015
Good morning crew,
Tomorrow is the big day...Halloween! Did you know that Halloween originally started as nothing more than an autumn harvest festival? It was actually a Celtic holiday called Samhain meaning "end of summer". In ancient Celtic Ireland, October 31st marked the official end of summer.
It wasn't until much, much later that it turned into "All Hallows' Eve", an observance dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and faithful departed believers.
These days we get ninja costumes and candy.
Although a lot of people still believe that Halloween is the one day of the year when the spirit world is the most in touch with ours.
So don't be stingy with the candy when a ghost comes to your door tomorrow. It just might not be a little kid in a bed sheet.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
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"I miss the days when Halloween was a simple holiday about making ritual sacrifices to evil spirits to ensure a plentiful harvest." -Jimmy Kimmel
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"I love it when people dress up their dogs in Halloween costumes. But I don't like it when I tell someone how cute their dog looks, and they're like 'Hey, that's my child.'" -Jimmy Fallon
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"I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog." -Dwight Schrute, The Office
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You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could.
"Oh, my friends," he intoned, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!"
At this point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupted to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?"
The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, "My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured... teeth will be provided!"