Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Good morning crew,

Our second day in Las Vegas we dedicated to being tourists. That involved a lot of walking around, and mostly what there is to walk around in Las Vegas is casinos.

They are worth looking at, too. We cruised the Cosmopolitan, Caesar's Palace, the Flamingo and Bellagio, and every one was grander and more opulent than the last. Of course, it is almost impossible to wander through these monuments to gaming without testing one's luck. At least it was for me and the wife.

I was having pretty good luck, too. Not retirement money, but it seemed like wherever I stopped I made a few bucks. For example, as we were walking through Bellagio the wife espied a casino war table.

Never having seen this game before I walked up to the dealer who was standing alone, and honestly looked like she could use somebody to talk to, and asked her how the game is played.

"It's high card, sir," she deadpanned, demonstrating that I have no idea how to read peoples' looks.

"Well, with an invitation like that how can I not invest 50 bucks in a tutorial?" I said, and got a stack of chips.

I put down $10 and she dealt me a jack and herself a seven and gave me ten dollars. Then she stared at me.

I looked at my wife, back at the dealer, shrugged and put down another $10. The dealer sighed, checked her watch, then dealt me a 10 and herself a 2 and gave me ten dollars.

"So, you just give me money, then?" I asked.

"So far, sir."

So I put down another $10, she dealt two cards and gave me another ten bucks.

"I'm afraid I can't take this excitement," I said after that, picking up my chips, "but thanks for the lesson."

And so it went.

Later in the afternoon we met back up with Val and his wife to discover they were having a bit of their own luck.

I joined Val at the craps table and played along while he threw about 8 winning rolls in a row.

It is definitely intoxicating to be in a casino when you are on a winning streak, and it didn't matter what we touched.

I sat down at a blackjack table and in the second hand the dealer gave me a pair of tens. Normally a player would stand on a pair of tens all day long, but the dealer was showing a bust card and with the stack of chips I took away from the craps table I was feeling cocky, so I split them.

The first card up was an ace. Blackjack! The next card up was another 10...so I split them again. My second hand was a 19, so I stayed, but on my third hand I got the dreaded 12. What to do? Veteran players will tell you to stand against a bust card, even with a 12, but I am no veteran. So I hit.

An ace. Now I am in a tough spot because a 13 is still a rotten hand, but my chance of getting a bust card on the next flip just went way up. So, of course, I hit, and got an 8. That's right, a 4-card 21.

By the time we had to break for dinner I don't mind saying I was feeling pretty expansive, which might have been a bit premature because when all was said and done I had really only won about $400. But I had the prospect of an excellent meal at the Las Vegas Hofbrauhaus in front of me and nothing was going to dim my optimism that night.

But that's a story for next time.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
"Dunkin' Donuts is testing a new food item. A glazed donut/egg sandwich. If it tests well, it's going to be used in prisons as a form of lethal injection." -Jay Leno

***
"Delta announced that it is shrinking the size of its bathrooms to add four more seats on every plane. Cuz every time I'm in a plane's bathroom, I always think: 'Man, they could fit at LEAST three more people in here.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"A new study says that women who drink moderate amounts of alcohol every day lose more weight than women that don't drink at all. At least, that's what your wife will slur to you after she forgets to pick up the kids from soccer practice." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his future.

He gets into a taxi and the driver says, "How are you this fine day?"

"I'm the Class of 2012, just graduated from Harvard and I just can't wait to go out there and see what the world has in store for me."

"Congratulations," said the driver reaching back to shake the young man's hand. "I'm Mitch. Harvard Class of '79."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second guy join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, "Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for five bucks a hole?"

The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his $80.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighboring course and likes to pick on suckers.

The first fellow reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money. The Priest says, "No, no. You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings."

The pro says, "Well, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest says, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. Then, if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you."